Ricci Tam

Mr. Ricci Tam is the best teacher at Newmarket High School. He is informative, helpful, and has an impeccable fashion sense. His tests are reasonable in difficulty, and he makes sure that you are able to succeed as best as possible within his classroom. Mr. Ricci Tam tells great stories of his worldwide singing adventures, intriguing enough to yearn for a sequel. Mr. Ricci Tam can bench up to three times his body weight, and deadlift at least one metric tonne of students. Interestingly enough, this weight is equivalent to the mass of his t h i c c brain, capable of performing more polydimensional and highly verbose calculus per second than an elite Google supercomputer. Mr. Ricci Tam can speak in any languages, and has mastered the technique of polyphonic speech to the point where he can communicate over 6000 independent thoughts simultaneously with only his voice. Mr. Ricci Tam has a twenty-eight foot vertical leap, and is capable of reaching the roof of Newmarket High School from the ground with only a small running start. Mr. Ricci Tam is capable of unbuttoning his short-sleeve shirts simply by flexing his pectoral muscles, and can run faster than the speed of light when wearing his signature P A N T S. Mr. Ricci Tam is capable of eating an entire Nova Scotia salmon, bone and all, faster than one can say “normal distribution”, and always eats the bowl first when consuming cereal. Mr. Ricci Tam regularly ignores the laws of space and time, to unsheath his fourth-dimensional biceps and flex on the entirety of the Newmarket High School math department. No being, past or future, can compare to the unfathomable power brought forth by Mr. Ricci Tam. I enjoyed being in Mr. Ricci Tam’s class, and can say nothing but praise for him! Thank you, Mr. Ricci Tam!